The Zone of All Probability

Have you ever had one of those days that is so horrible --- just one bad thing after another --- that you arrive at a point when you think that nothing worse could possibly happen?  And then something worse happens?

Have you ever felt your tether to your own tragic reality break at that point, not in the sense of having a nervous breakdown or anything, but such that you no longer feel any sadness, fear, anxiety, or any other negative emotion, neither at the wreckage of the day already laid waste in front of you nor the possibility of yet another bad thing improbably finding its way into your universe?  You go from panicked and depressed to completely calm in a blink.

I have days like that periodically, and I had one of them yesterday. I felt that little "snip" in my brain when my thoughts go from "ACK THIS IS A TERRIBLE DAY" to "Of course this other terrible thing has happened, how entertaining."

Every time that happens to me, I think about this passage from A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, which just so perfectly captures that feeling:

I pull up to a light, next to a bunch of young black kids.* Maybe they’ll shoot me. I’m in the zone of all probability. I cannot be surprised. Earthquakes, locusts, poison rain would not impress me. Visits from God, unicorns, bat-people with torches and scepters–it’s all plausible. If these kids happen to be bad kids, and have guns, and want to shoot people like me, it will be me, the glass will break and the bullet will come through and I will not be surprised. With the bullet in my head, I will drive my car into a tree, and as I am waiting to be pulled from the wreck, nearly dead, I will not panic or yell. I will think only: Weird, this is exactly what I expected.

Here's to a new day.


*  ETA, in response comments expressing alarm at this passage: To be clear, this passage is a piece of literature.  In the context of the book, the passage is discussing completely crazy and improbable things happening.  As the author describes it, the likelihood of kids shooting him in the head just because they are black is crazy and improbable, and in the broader context of the book is not a statement on race (i.e., it is not a commentary that young black kids shoot white people), but is rather sort of a tongue-in-cheek jab at perceptions of race.  I encourage you to read more about the book, the author (who does an impressive amount of work with youth in under-served communities), or to read the book itself (not an affiliate link).  It is a fantastic piece of storytelling and one of my favorite books.  If you're upset (or not upset) by the passage, I encourage you to discuss it in the comments.  Hopefully folks who have actually read the book will chime in as well on either side of that spectrum.

Let's talk about fitness.

Alright, guys.  I have fallen off the fitness bandwagon.  My pants are tight and I am at a weight where I refuse to buy new ones because I am not going to settle in here.

Source.

I have found that my fitness preferences tend to swing around pretty drastically every six months to a year, and the things that I used to love doing no longer motivate me the same way.  I'm not going to Crossfit as regularly as I used to, and I am biking less since the weather became frigid (and since I bought a car).  I still will sometimes go for a run, but the shorter days leave me less time to do this in the daylight, when I prefer to be out.

My firm recently announced that it would give all associates $195 towards a monthly gym membership.  I could use this money for a 9 class per month Crossfit membership ($165 --- I KNOW), or I could use it to join an actual gym with a variety of (sadly, non-Crossfit) classes.  I'm leaning towards the latter for now, since I'm feeling like a need some variety in my life.  Plus, since I seem to enjoy driving around, I could drive to the gym to get my sweat on.

So help me out here:

1. What do you guys do for exercise in the winter?  
2. Do you belong to a gym?  If so, what do you think are the most important things I should be considering in deciding which gym to go to.
3. If you live in DC, are there any gyms/studios that I absolutely must check out before I sign paperwork somewhere?  Where is the best place for me to spend my $195/mo?

Sponsored Post: Because I Want a Sodastream

I spare you guys most of the sponsored post requests I receive, because who wants to read that stuff?  The exceptions are as follows:

• Cold hard cash in exchange for a post about a product or service I have either used or personally believe in (e.g, Match.com)
• A free product I like/want/believe in and think you guys would also like/want/believe in, in exchange for a post about said product (e.g, Nice Jewish Guys calendar)

This post about SodaStream falls into the latter category.  I love seltzer water and have been drinking it daily since I discovered it a few months into Weight Watchers in 2009-2010.  It has the fizzy, stomach-filling satisfaction of soda but without the calories or artificial sweeteners.  (The more I read about artificial sweeteners and diabetes, the more leery I am of them.  See, e.g., here.)  I mostly drink plain soda water, and if I want to get fancy I add a squirt of lime.  Heaven.

I get free soda water at work, but the day will eventually come when that supply runs out and on that day, I will want the ability to carbonate my own water.  And that's where SodaStream will come in.

SodaStream wants you to know that Scarlet Johansson is now the new face of SodaStream.  Look how much she loves SodaStream!

There will be some kind of official announcement about her brand ambassadorship on Super Bowl Sunday.  In the meantime, there seems to be quite a bit of controversy surrounding her sponsorship!  The controversy is actually pretty relevant to this blog, in fact.  SodaStream is an Israeli company that operates in a disputed area of the West Bank, and critics of the company argue that the the factory is taking advantage of the limited employment opportunities in that area by operating there.  

In response to criticism about this, SodaStream said through Johansson:

"I remain a supporter of economic cooperation and social interaction between a democratic Israel and Palestine," the actress said. "SodaStream is a company that is not only committed to the environment but to building a bridge to peace between Israel and Palestine, supporting neighbors working alongside each other, receiving equal pay, equal benefits and equal rights. That is what is happening in their Ma’ale Adumim factory every working day."

Very interesting!  I had no idea that SodaStream was an Israeli company or that there was controversy surrounding their operations.  For a Jewish Girl, I admit that I have little to no patience for Israeli politics.  All I know is that I love seltzer water.

What do you guys think?

1. Do you have a Soda Stream?
2. Have you been converted to the cult of sparkling water yet?
3. What do you think of this controversy?  (See, e.g., here.)

More Food Shaming

This is the entirety of my Trader Joe's shopping list for today and I feel no remorse.

 

 

Posted with Blogsy

Witness my Food Shame

This soup is called "Cheeseburger Cheeseburger." Two cheeseburgers.

 

It consists of: a thick cheese base; small chunks of ground meat; small slices of onion.

And that's it. It's like eating macaroni and cheese, but without the macaroni and with small Progresso soup-sized globules of probably-beef.

 

The guys at Devon and Blakely actually laughed at me when I ordered it for lunch yesterday. Which, for the record, I don't do often but sometimes it just feels so wrong that it's right.

 

While we're on the subject, I also microwaved leftover weekend pancakes in the work break room this week. On three separate occasions.

 

I'm sorry, but only because I know I should be.

 

Posted with Blogsy

Another Weekend in the Office

I had a really nice streak going where I didn't have to spend my whole weekend in the office...but that streak has now officially come to a close. On the plus side, weekends in the office mean I get to wear more casual clothes...in the office. Which I guess I could do outside of the office too...poop.

 

Anyway, here are two new outfits and two new (to me --- purchased on ebay) purses. I am shopping my feelings. What of it?

 

Pleione top (Nordstrom Rack); Anthropologie Lengthening Rays skirt (purchased on eBay) (I have this skirt in brown and love it and have stalked the pink version on eBay for a year); Kate Spade bangle watch; Target necklace, Marc by Marc Jacobs Too Hot to Handle Tote in Mink (eBay)

 

 

Dolman dress by Best Society (this dress sucks actually; do not buy it. It's horribly shapeless and unflattering but I happened to get it at a decent angle here); Payless Chelsea Flats, Marc Jacobs Wellington Bag (via eBay)

 

The full Marc Jacobs Wellington above is kind of a fun story. It retails for almost $1300, but I found it at Nordstrom rack a month or two ago for half the price. I'd actually initially purchased it (it was right after my WSOP win) but then I thought better of it and returned it --- it wasn't in great condition (scratches) and didn't have a shoulder strap. I set up a saved search on eBay and went about my business.

 

Then I found the same bag --- same color and style as the one I'd left behind --- but in slightly worse condition. No zipper, a few small marks, no shoulder strap. $200. I went for it. No regrets.

 

 

Also, I joined a diet bet today! Have you ever done one of these? You join up with a bunch of people. Pledge a small amount of money to a small weight loss goal, and everyone who achieves the goal at the end of the challenge splits the money in the pot. My goal is to lose 4% of my body weight in 28 days. I figure even if I don't achieve the goal it will help move me in the right direction!

 

So, how were your weekends?

 

Posted with Blogsy

A Super-Obnoxious Post About Coconut Water

But first, a joke courtesy of my friend Tony:

Q:  How can you tell if someone does Crossfit?
A:  Don't worry.  They'll tell you.

See also.

Soooooo, I've been doing a little Crossfit.  I mostly like it; it's a good workout and the coaches/fellow classmates I work with are pretty great.  I do find some/many aspects of the culture to be a little too much.

I mean, geez.  This is totally obnoxious.  (source)

My biggest dislike of the whole crossfit thing is that, even at gyms that say they are not trying to impose higher values on you, you generally do feel like non-caveman/paleo choices are seen as bad with little to no room for argument.  That's not to say that caveman/paleo choices are bad either, just to say that we're all trying to be healthy and eat well and it seems kind of counterproductive to say that the only good form of exercise is Crossfit and the only good form of eating is Paleo.  But whatever, I'm just there to get my sweat on.

Anyway, given this, I was initially very skeptical when I overheard one of my WOD class members raving about an obscure brand of coconut water that was just "Sooooo good" and "Makes Vitacoco taste like crap"

(From The Anti-Jared.  I do not share this view.)

I enjoy coconut water.  I drink it after particularly difficult runs or crossfit classes as a way to get some potassium (good for muscle recovery) and hydration without imbibing fluorescent sports beverages.  I don't have any problem with Vitacoco and think it tastes pretty good, so naturally I assumed this guy was just being kind of snooty.  My assumption was strengthened when he said that his mom had to ship him the stuff from Puerto Rico because he couldn't find it in any stores around here.  ::eyeroll::

Taste Nirvana Real Coconut Water, 16.2 Ounces (12-pack available here*)

Let me apologize to this guy right now for my unfair thoughts, because I found a can of this coconut water in a grocery store on Monday, tried it, and HOLY SHIT you guys, this is like no coconut water I've ever had before.  The taste is rich, almost creamy, and it's only 100 calories for an enormous can.

I will never drink another brand of coconut water again...the difference in taste is truly astounding.  As the guy at the gym said, it's almost like a completely different product than the more popular brands.

If you dislike coconut water, I highly encourage you to give this brand a try and see if it doesn't change your mind.  If you already like coconut water, you should just go ahead and order a twelve pack* because heavens to Betsy, this stuff is fantastic.


*  Affiliate links because why not, but SERIOUSLY this stuff is amazing.  I would be posting about this regardless of whether it was available on Amazon or not.  If you want a non-affiliate link, click here.  This coconut water should be in your life whether I get 40 cents or not.

OOTD: It's Brights Time!

Summer brights! Welcome to my life.

In this Outfit:

Ann Taylor Loft Colorblocked Crepe Dress (8 - a smidge big. For reference if you've generally tracked me in sizing, I've gone up a size) (here) (affiliate link) (link updated since I originally posted the wrong one)

Jessica Simpson Minna Wedges (9.5 - these run a half size small) (I get SO many compliments on these shoes and I'm always embarassed to tell people they are by Jessica Simpson) (PS: don't get them in black patent)

Necklace: Ann Taylor Loft (from December)

Kate Spade Lever-back earrings in citron

Marc by Marc Jacobs Marci Watch

Sorry about the iPad photo....I know it looks ridiculous. I didn't bring my phone to the locker room on Monday morning.

I bought this dress online from LOFT last week, before I decided to impose a no-more-clothes-purchases-until-normal-weight-is-achieved policy upon myself. (I'm about TEN pounds up from where I like to be; some of that is crossfit muscle so my new happy weight may change but I GUARANTEE YOU that a good bit of that is not muscle.) BUT I am glad this dress snuck its way into the mix. It's lightweight, comfy, and reminds me that summer is practically here.

Anthropologie Dashed Knit Blazer (L)

Michael Kors Gansevoort Tote (my jeans stained the leather a bit blue within its first week of life, but the stains came out with some leather cleaner I found on Amazon) (here) (affiliate link)

...Except for the fact that it was like FIFTY DEGREES in DC earlier this week!! What gives, weather?? I like my spring without a sprinkle of winter, tyvm.

I love this necklace and wanted to show you a close-up. I am not just making an excuse for posting a photo of my chest. Consciously.

(Quick post today because I'm traveling and overwhelmed with work, but LOOK AT ME STILL POSTING when I'm traveling and overwhelmed with work! PROGRESS, you guys!)

Posted with Blogsy

Just...trust me on this one.

Red Velvet Torte:

Gluten-free, refined sugar-free, flour-free (e.g., no coconut flour, almond flour, etc), supremely easy, chocolatey, and SO AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS.

Really, I promise, this torte will become your new favorite party trick. "Oh you like my red velvet torte? What's in it? Oh, you know, the usual....eggs, cocoa, honey...BEETS YES BEETS MUAHA."

That's right, the secret ingredient in this torte is a couple of beets, and I'd bet that unless you told people they'd probably be none the wiser. (Note: I LOVE beets, so I couldn't tell you whether the taste would be aggressive for someone who doesn't like beets. I didn't notice the beets in the recipe but that could just be because I don't hate them.)

I found this recipe at a blog called Elana's Pantry. She calls it the Purple Velvet Torte, but it looks red enough to me. Try it ASAP and come back to tell me what you think! I love making desserts with random "secret" vegetables! (See, e.g., Green Monster.)

Posted with Blogsy

A Not-So-Secret Oatmeal Trick

Get ready, I'm about to drop some knowledge on ya:

Next time you're about to microwave some oatmeal, drop one of these guys in the bowl first:

Of course, I recommend you crack it first. And mix it all up with the oatmeal. (You can use just the white if you don't like egg yolks.)

It'll add a nice dose of hunger-satiating protein to your breakfast and (if you use only the white) few additional calories.

Also, it makes the oatmeal turn out nice and fluffy.

Also, anybody who sees you will be like, "WTF are you doing you psychwad?" but then once you explain it to them will feel indebted to you for life. Or at least for breakfast.

Posted with Blogsy

Lessons in Distraction: Hiding a Muffin Top

I'm at that awkward point of weight gain where almost all of my clothes still fit, but a few of the bellwether items (e.g., the jeans that fit me just right at a normal weight) have started to show signs of distress. I don't want to gain any more weight than I have and I'm slowly working my way down, but in the meantime some of my clothes are a bit less versatile than they once were.

For example, these jeans:

Back in my fitter days, I could wear these low-rise babies with my choice of top. My closet was my oyster. Now, sadly, I experience a little bit of this situation:

So, my formula for drawing attention away from my sweet, sweet muffin top?

In this Outfit:

Style & Co. Blazer (Macy's) (M) (here in plus sizes) (similar for $40)

J.Crew Rugby Stripe Boatneck Top in Modern Red (XL, very big on me.  I'm usually a M in J.Crew Sweaters and a L would have been more appropriate for a slouchy look) (here) (last worn here)

Old Navy Printed Flats (9, TTS) (here)

Kate Spade "It Takes All Sorts" Necklace (similar-ish for $23)

Kate Spade Square Rhinestone Earrings (similar in shape, similar in color, similar not by Kate Spade for $16)

Michael Kors Davenport Chronograph Watch (here)

Kate Spade Dictionary Clutch (here)

1. Loose top. (Obvy.)
2. Tailored outer layer. (I am not a plebian.)
3. Cute patterned shoes and clutch to focus attention on my accessories.

I guess the best way to handle the muffin top would be to get rid of it, but where's the fun in that?

(Incidentally, I wore this outfit to see the movie "The Sessions," which is about a severely disabled man who hires a "sex surrogate" to provide sex therapy by having sex with him. Bizarre, but it's very highly rated on Rotten Tomatoes. Have you seen it? What did you think? I'm still processing it, but mostly it made me feel very awkward.)

A Weekend in (Old) Vegas

My boyfriend and I spent the weekend in one of our favorite U.S. vacation destinations:

You've heard me talk before about the charm of Atlantic City (see, e.g., here, here, here), so I hope you'll indulge me in a bit of Vegas chatter now! This weekend marked my fifth trip to Vegas. This time, we decided to do something a bit different and stay off the main strip in Downtown Las Vegas (aka "Old Vegas"). We had an AMAZING time! Here are a few highlights:


The Freemont Street Experience

Old Vegas is the area from whence Las Vegas originally sprung. Downtown is steeped in rich history and resembles the crazy neon playground many of us think of when we imagine Vegas. The casinos bordering the downtown strip are covered in neon light and flashing bulbs.

There are tons of fun happenings on Freemont street...

Free concerts...

Haunted house! (temporary) (freaky. Haunted houses scare the you-know-what out of me, so why do I keep going in them?)

Balls!

Every night between dusk and midnight, there is a laser light and music show on the overhang protecting Freemont Street (the main downtown strip).

One of the nice things about downtown Vegas is that all of the casinos (especially those on Freemont Street) are extremely close together. Although casinos on the new strip are next to each other, you often half to walk half a mile to get to the next door casino!

You can take your photo with "a million dollars" at Binion's (and they print it for you for free! You don't even need to give them your email address!)

The Heart Attack Grill

Okay, so we didn't actually eat here*, but this landmark of downtown Vegas is definitely a sight to behold. It is a monument to obesity in America, serving butterfat milkshakes, fries cooked in lard, and a "quadruple bypass burger" that contains four burger patties and up to twenty slices of bacon. If you finish one, the waitresses wheel you out of the restaurant in a wheelchair.

Did I mention that every customer gets put in a hospital gown upon entry? And that the waitresses are dressed in sexy nurse outfits?

The best (and simultaneously worst) part? If you are over 350 pounds (and weigh in on a public scale) you eat free.

No free burger for my boyfriend.

Ironically (and sadly) two people actually had real heart attacks in this restaurant a few months ago. In the first instance, the tourists inside thought it was a show and asked him to turn a bit while on the floor so they could get a better picture! (source)

* Hash House A Go Go


In case my claim that my boyfriend and I did not eat at Heart Attack Grill sounded superior, allow me to mention that we DID eat at Hash House A Go Go, which has a new location in The Plaza hotel in downtown Vegas.

Our breakfast looked like this:

Sage fried chicken eggs benedict (also featuring bacon, mashed potatoes, cheese, buttermilk biscuit, and chipotle cream). Thanks, watermelon. This plate must be healthy now! (source)

The Golden Nugget

We stayed at the Golden Nugget, which was perfectly nice and had an incredible pool!

OMG, that slide! Tragically I never even got to ride it; I saved it for the last night, but then there was a "biohazard" that closed the pool. Any guesses on the nature of the hazard? Poop in the pool?

While at the nugget, we sampled many of the restaurants at the casino (the italian place (Grotto) and The Grill...meh. Lillie's Asian cuisine and Vic and Anthony's steakhouse...DROOLSOGOOD). We also partook in a few poker tournaments. Although they had a very quick structure, we did pretty well in them. Amazingly, you can buy in an hour and a half late with a huge chipstack. I took first place in one small tournament and my boyfriend cashed in the same one.


The Mafia Museum

As you might imagine, the history of Las Vegas is steeped in the mafia. There's a very interesting museum downtown called the Mafia Museum. It gives you an interesting look at the role of the mob in America, and particularly in Las Vegas. Also, there are tons of fun photo opportunities!

I thought this quote was hilarious, spoken by a mafioso who suspected his house was bugged (and it was):

I live by these words with regards to the information I publish on the internet---nothing I wouldn't stand behind in person!

Pinball Hall of Fame

This destination was my boyfriend's idea and it was a HUGE hit. The pinball museum is a nonprofit that collects and restores pinball machines (some as new as this year, some fifty or sixty years old) and vintage arcade games. It doesn't cost anything to get in and all of the machines cost between a quarter and 75 cents to play.

Remember Paperboy? Does anyone remember the name of that tv show on Nikelodeon that allowed you to play in virtual reality inside paperboy?

I learned that I am HORRIBLE at pinball, but I had a lot of fun anyway. (hey, not my fault---I wasn't allowed to have video games as a kid!) Did you know that you can actually aim that metal ball so that it gets somewhere? Or that there are missions to accomplish in a lot of pinball games? Or that you can keep the ball in motion for longer than two minutes? I didn't!!

Me struggling with pinball. In case you couldn't tell from my in-the-mirror outfit photos, my boyfriend (while amazing at many things) is not a photographer.

The Outlets


Las Vegas is home to two outlet malls: one in the north, one in the south. I prefer the north outlets because they are open-air (the south outlets are in kind of a dingy mall). Plus, the north outlets have a Kate Spade! And it's only a mile from downtown Vegas!

Somehow I managed to escape Kate Spade with only two pairs of earrings (despite a 50% off everything sale AAAKCCKK purses). I did buy a few other things, though....budget, I promise I will be faithful to you after vacation!

Michael Kors iPad folio

Ah, Vegas, I only just left you and I already miss you! We will DEFINITELY stay in old Vegas again!

Posted with Blogsy and blogger, because Blogsy is very bad at formatting photos