Scene 1: A Speed Dating Event
Jewish Girl scans the crowd. The available options quickly flit by her.
JG: Hi there.
Song 1: AWWWW SHIT!
JG: Um, are you alright?
Song 1: Yeeeaaaah, girl! I'm like nah nah nah nah nah.
JG: What? I don't...what are you even saying?
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: Well, hello.
Song 2: Hey girl.
JG: So, what do you think you bring to a relationship?
Song 2: You say you're searching for somebody that will take you out and do you right.
JG: Wow. I did not say that.
Song 2: Come on. Just let daddy show you what it feels like.
JG: That REALLY does not do it for me.
Song 2: I just want to make love in this club.
JG: EW. [CHECKS WATCH]
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: Um...hi. What's up?
Song 3: If you get what I get, what would you say?
JG: Sigh. I'm guessing you're going to tell me.
Song 3: I gotta get it again and again and again.
JG: Seriously? Does this even work on other women?
Song 3: Aw yeah, you know she wax it all off like Mr. Miyagi.
JG: Oh god. Seriously. Are there NO good men at this speed-dating thing?!
Song 3: Better watch out that you don't slip and fall on my dick.
JG: I highly doubt that would ever happen in a million years.
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: I'm sorry, I just don't think I have it in me anymore.
Song 4: You fought but you were just too weak, so you lost all the things you tried to keep.
JG: Wow, yes, that's pretty insightful.
Song 4: But wait, anything can change in a moment's time.
JG: Thank you. I feel...a bit inspired, actually.
Song 4: I am feeling overtaken with your love.
JG: Wow.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Song 4: I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea, but hold on.
Song 5: [BURSTING IN] I BALL SO HARD MOTHAFUCKAS WANNA FINE ME.
JG: [TO SONG 4] Oh, please, please stay here.
Scene 2: A Warm, Candlelit Homestyle Restaurant
Jewish Girl and Song 4 are on the tail end their first date. Dinner has been finished, dessert reduced to crumbs, and the last drops of wine linger in wine glasses.
Song 4: You are here to lift me up when I am weak, your arms wrap around me, your love catches me so I'm letting go.
JG: Wow, I can't believe I found you. You just seem so genuine and grounded.
Song 4: Why in the world did I think I could only get to know you when my life was good? When everything just falls in place, the easiest thing is to give You praise.
JG: Wow. I just...wow. You have such a distinct melodic backbone; you sound so comforting, and at the same time you seem tough and strong. I didn't think it was possible to meet someone like you!
Song 4: Well, all things are possible through Christ.
JG: ............................begpardon?
Song 4: All things are possible through Christ.
JG: Christ?
Song 4: Yes, Christ Our Savior. Who redeems us.
JG: .........Christ?
Song 4: He'll break open the skies to save those who cry out His name.
JG: Oh god.
Song 4: Exactly. The son of God has not left us alone.
JG: Why didn't you mention this before? Before you let me get sucked in by your catchy words and your strong choruses?
Song 4: The one the winds and waves obey is strong enough to save you.
JG: I've been listening to you all night and I had no idea what you were really talking about! I thought you were saying romantic things to me, but----ohhhhhhhh, I feel so dirty. Ooooh, so all that stuff you said about love and forgiveness---you were talking about Ch---
Song 4: ---Christ our Savior, yes.
JG: I feel ill.
Song 4: Perhaps you just need to accept the love of Jesus Christ.
JG: I think you just need accept the bill for tonight.
[JG STANDS UP AND LEAVES, AND BUMPS INTO...]
Song 2: Hey girl. If we close our eyes it could just be me and you.
JG: Oh. You again. Hi.
Song 2: All you gotta do is tell me what you're sipping on, and I'm gonna keep it coming all night loooooooooonnnnng.
JG: [EXHAUSTED] Yeah, you know what, that sounds okay right about now.
FIN.
Jewish Girl scans the crowd. The available options quickly flit by her.
JG: Hi there.
Song 1: AWWWW SHIT!
JG: Um, are you alright?
Song 1: Yeeeaaaah, girl! I'm like nah nah nah nah nah.
JG: What? I don't...what are you even saying?
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: Well, hello.
Song 2: Hey girl.
JG: So, what do you think you bring to a relationship?
Song 2: You say you're searching for somebody that will take you out and do you right.
JG: Wow. I did not say that.
Song 2: Come on. Just let daddy show you what it feels like.
JG: That REALLY does not do it for me.
Song 2: I just want to make love in this club.
JG: EW. [CHECKS WATCH]
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: Um...hi. What's up?
Song 3: If you get what I get, what would you say?
JG: Sigh. I'm guessing you're going to tell me.
Song 3: I gotta get it again and again and again.
JG: Seriously? Does this even work on other women?
Song 3: Aw yeah, you know she wax it all off like Mr. Miyagi.
JG: Oh god. Seriously. Are there NO good men at this speed-dating thing?!
Song 3: Better watch out that you don't slip and fall on my dick.
JG: I highly doubt that would ever happen in a million years.
[BUZZER SOUNDS, SONGS CHANGE]
JG: I'm sorry, I just don't think I have it in me anymore.
Song 4: You fought but you were just too weak, so you lost all the things you tried to keep.
JG: Wow, yes, that's pretty insightful.
Song 4: But wait, anything can change in a moment's time.
JG: Thank you. I feel...a bit inspired, actually.
Song 4: I am feeling overtaken with your love.
JG: Wow.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Song 4: I know the current of yourself can take you out, out to sea, but hold on.
Song 5: [BURSTING IN] I BALL SO HARD MOTHAFUCKAS WANNA FINE ME.
JG: [TO SONG 4] Oh, please, please stay here.
Scene 2: A Warm, Candlelit Homestyle Restaurant
Jewish Girl and Song 4 are on the tail end their first date. Dinner has been finished, dessert reduced to crumbs, and the last drops of wine linger in wine glasses.
Song 4: You are here to lift me up when I am weak, your arms wrap around me, your love catches me so I'm letting go.
JG: Wow, I can't believe I found you. You just seem so genuine and grounded.
Song 4: Why in the world did I think I could only get to know you when my life was good? When everything just falls in place, the easiest thing is to give You praise.
JG: Wow. I just...wow. You have such a distinct melodic backbone; you sound so comforting, and at the same time you seem tough and strong. I didn't think it was possible to meet someone like you!
Song 4: Well, all things are possible through Christ.
JG: ............................begpardon?
Song 4: All things are possible through Christ.
JG: Christ?
Song 4: Yes, Christ Our Savior. Who redeems us.
JG: .........Christ?
Song 4: He'll break open the skies to save those who cry out His name.
JG: Oh god.
Song 4: Exactly. The son of God has not left us alone.
JG: Why didn't you mention this before? Before you let me get sucked in by your catchy words and your strong choruses?
Song 4: The one the winds and waves obey is strong enough to save you.
JG: I've been listening to you all night and I had no idea what you were really talking about! I thought you were saying romantic things to me, but----ohhhhhhhh, I feel so dirty. Ooooh, so all that stuff you said about love and forgiveness---you were talking about Ch---
Song 4: ---Christ our Savior, yes.
JG: I feel ill.
Song 4: Perhaps you just need to accept the love of Jesus Christ.
JG: I think you just need accept the bill for tonight.
[JG STANDS UP AND LEAVES, AND BUMPS INTO...]
Song 2: Hey girl. If we close our eyes it could just be me and you.
JG: Oh. You again. Hi.
Song 2: All you gotta do is tell me what you're sipping on, and I'm gonna keep it coming all night loooooooooonnnnng.
JG: [EXHAUSTED] Yeah, you know what, that sounds okay right about now.
FIN.
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