On Shabbat

Despite the name of this blog, I'm not much of an actual Jewish girl.  I was born Jewish, I had a Bat Mitzvah, and I even had a "confirmation" when I was sixteen.  I taught Sunday school for a couple of years when I was in college --- I was assigned to third grade, because any class above that would have exceeded my knowledge of Hebrew and Judaism.

I'm not sure when I first started feeling uncomfortable in religious settings.  Maybe sometime after college?  Religious services started feeling less meaningful and more cultish.  The chanting, the conviction that improbable-sounding religious stories actually happened...it all felt strange.  Add to that the fact that my basic religious knowledge meant I couldn't fully participate in most services, and you've got a recipe for discomfort.

So I dialed back my participation in actual Jewish ritual.  I experienced a brief renewal in my spirituality and feelings towards Judaism after going on Birthright Israel in 2011, but my practices didn't change much.

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After moving to Baltimore, I have found myself inching into the Jewish scene here.  Seemingly every week, a different Jewish group hosts a young adults/professionals Shabbat that are either inexpensive, free, or potlucks.  I've gone to a bunch of these dinners, mainly because they are something to do and a good way to meet people.  I've met a handful of cool people through these Jewish events and I certainly can never have too many friends.

Plus, I think on some level I enjoy reconnecting a bit with my religion, even if I'm totally awkward at these events.  A couple of weeks ago, I tried to strike up a conversation around the table about recreational activities during a period during the ritual when (unbeknownst to me) we were all supposed to remain quiet.

Anyway, I was inspired to write this post after my experience with last night's Shabbat.  I have had an extremely stressful day at work, even though we only had a three-day week.  There are a ton of exciting things going on and I've had a few huge professional successes in the last month, but the next few weeks are going to make me want to pull my hair out.  As the workday wound to a close I started feeling that familiar tension in my chest --- that feeling of having too much to do and too many balls in the air.

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Then an unfamiliar feeling came over me --- one of impending relaxation and calm.  I think it came from the knowledge that I was taking a purposeful pause from work and life to go through the Shabbat ritual and have some kind of meal with other people.  For one of the first times in my life, I found myself looking forward to Shabbat.

I'd imagine I'd get the same kind of benefit from setting a fixed time to meditate and disconnect, but it was nice to feel it come from part of my religious heritage, even if I still struggle with the ritual and the theology.

I'm curious to hear about other weekly rituals that provide that sense of calm and focus.  What do you guys do for yourselves?

My Biggest Sale Haul Yet!

Have I told you all yet about how much I love the city of Baltimore?

Well, I absolutely adore it.  Baltimore is homey, quirky, and completely lives up to its nickname of "Charm City."  Baltimore has utterly charmed me thus far.  In fact, I'm hoping to start blogging more about some of the fantastic activities this city has to offer.  I believe this is a city on the rise, for sure.

I love Baltimore so much, that I bought this:

AHHHH!!!  I'm a homeowner!!

There are a bunch of reasons I decided to plunge into homeownership in Baltimore.  First, the real estate market here is pretty good for buyers.  The city has hit its stride but it hasn't quite boomed yet, so real estate generally moves relatively slowly and there are decent deals to be had.  (Plus, interest rates are still extremely low, and those low rates won't last forever.)  Second, the rental market has far outpaced the buying market; you pay substantially more in rent than you would to buy the same house.  Third, I signed a four-year commitment letter with my job, and I'm getting loan repayment assistance from my law school (given to people who take a public interest or government law job and earn below a certain threshold) that is 100% forgiven after five years...so I'm likely going to be in Baltimore for a while.  Plus, I figured if I bought a place in a neighborhood with a strong rental market, I wouldn't be forced to sell whenever I moved; I could just keep the house as an investment property and rent it out to cover my mortgage and expenses.

I started looking at houses in May, before I moved here.  I looked at about 25 houses and I actually put an offer in on this house (how freaking beautiful is that place???), but when the sellers countered for $1500 higher than my offer, I suddenly got cold feet and backed out.  I can't explain why it didn't feel right to buy that house...my parents did not seem particularly enthusiastic about pitching in for a down payment, and there were multiple buyers for the relatively-new-on-the-market house, which made me feel nervous and pressured.  And perhaps on some level I was concerned about buying before I even knew if I would like living in Baltimore.

In the end, I'm glad I didn't buy back in May.  It helped a TON to live here for a few months, get to know the neighborhoods, and get a better sense for where I like to hang out.  I realized in the time I lived in Fed Hill that I loved being close to the harbor, but wanted to be in a neighborhood with a population my own age.  (Fed Hill is fantastic but the average age there is approximately 23.)

When my Fed Hill landlords informed me that they were selling the house I'd been renting a room in and that we'd all have to leave, it seemed like as good of a time as any to resume the housing search!  I had two months before I needed to move out of my old house, so I figured I'd look at real estate for a month, and if I didn't find anything I loved I would just rent again.  I decided to focus on houses with two to three bedrooms, and at a price point that would allow me to cover at least 75% of my mortgage with rental income.  I figured a house of this size would lower my expenses and would give me room to grow if I started a family and we ended up staying in the city.  (The middle schools in the city aren't great, but the elementary school in the neighborhood I ended up buying in is pretty decent and would probably be fine (and would delay the inevitable move out to the better school districts of the suburbs).)

I looked at more than thirty houses in October.  I found a lot of very cool, great houses that seemed promising.  But the moment I walked into the house I ended up buying, I immediately felt a warm, cozy, homey feeling.  It wasn't perfect, and I wasn't blind to the things that weren't perfect about it (I would have loved an open kitchen with different finishes --- like that first house --- or a full bathroom for each bedroom (my house is a 3/2.5)), but I still loved it.  The neighborhood is awesome, the neighbors are chill, and the rental market is strong due to the proximity to Hopkins.  On the whole, it was perfect for me given my price point.  PLUS, the house had been on the market for more than 100 days,* meaning no pressure to bid high to beat out competition!  I was swooning.** 

* I'm not sure why it was on the market for so long --- although in Baltimore 100+ days on the market is not that unusual --- but I think it was because the owners accepted an offer on it after a few weeks, and three days later (without any kind of home inspection) the buyers got cold feet and pulled out.  The house was relisted and essentially became a "back on the market" house.  Often BOM houses face a stigma from new buyers that hurts their market value.

** An indicator of how well my excellent real estate agent got to know me and my taste:  We walked into my house, I immediately oozed, "Oooh, I love it..." and my agent said, "Wait until you hear how long it's been on the market and you'll love it even more."  Srsly, he was great.

The period from contract to purchase was stressful, filled with multiple unnecessary dramas and last-minute crises.  But with the help of a fantastic real estate agent and very supportive parents, we were able to get to closing on time!  I also got the maximum seller cash contribution allowed, so not only did I get a pretty decent deal, but the purchase price on record is higher than the final price I paid (because of the seller contribution), which will hopefully be good for increasing property values in the neighborhood.  Of course, the seller contribution is on record, too, but to the extent that the sale price is a more visible/accessible measure of property values than final sale price, that's gotta be good for property values.

I've already found roommates for the other two bedrooms, and my rental income will almost completely cover my mortgage payment, taxes, and insurance.  This will help me put more money away for loans/savings/home repairs!

I'm still in the process of moving in and decorating, and I have one reasonably big redesign project on the immediate horizon (a contractor is coming in to add a wall and a door to the master suite --- right now, it's not closed off at all so it lacks privacy).  I'll post photos once things get more settled!  I couldn't be happier with the place.  Sometimes I look around the house and feel so overwhelmed with love for my surroundings.  It's my HOME.

So, there you have it!  Do any homeowners read my blog?  What was your buying experience like?  Are you glad you bought?  Any tips or tricks for me?  What websites do I need to know about?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Hi everybody.  Thanks for the kind emails and messages while I've been away.  Here's a bit of an update for you:

Shortly after my last post, I was put on a trial team (my favorite type of assignment!!) for a case that was supposed to go to trial less than a month later.  As you can imagine, life got extremely hectic very quickly.  I don't like to post on the blog while on trial, because I have to assume:  1) opposing counsel is crazy and has researched everyone on our side; 2) they have found my blog; 3) every post I make during trial prep and trial is a window into how busy or not busy we are, which in turn is a window into our strategy.

The trial was grueling, but I did have a weekend or two during which I got to enjoy the city of Boston (where the trial was taking place).  Neptune's Oyster?  Holy geez, that place was incredible.  Plus, we were staying at the Ritz, so it's hard to be too miserable (even when facing down your third 20+ hour day in a row) when you can go "home" to a fluffy bed, a whirlpool bath, and free room service.

Still "trying" to lose the trial weight, but it was totally worth it.

Our trial concluded at the end of April (we won!!).  I made my way back home almost reluctantly.  Over the course of the last year or so, my six-year relationship, which had typically been very loving/functional/rewarding, had become difficult, rocky, and downright painful.  The relationship needed to end, which as you can imagine was an extremely hard and fraught decision to make after being with someone for so long and developing a shared future with that person.  I still struggle with whether this was the correct decision, and I don't really know what to do or how to act going forward, or whether to give in to the desire to try again, hoping that things might be different after the self-improvement work we have both done in the months of separation.

The closest I've ever come to posting my ex's picture on this blog.  (Incidentally, I TOTALLY recommend this bobblehead company if you are looking for an awesome gift for someone.  They were incredible to work with.)

Those of you who have ended long relationships with the person you thought was "The One*", how did you know it was time?  Did you ever try again with the same person?  How did that work out?  Was the other person able to change?  Were you?  Have you found new love since then?  How is it different?  Do you have some kind of clarity regarding whether you made the right or wrong decision in ending that previous relationship?  Basically, what do I need to hear, being in the place I am now?

*  I don't actually believe in the concept of "The One."  I don't think there is only one person who is the perfect end-all-be-all fit for us.  I think there are many people with whom any given person could have a happy and loving life.  I use "The One" here really to mean "[One of] The One[s]."

Despite the whirlwind incredible trial experience at my firm, I'd been feeling a growing dissatisfaction with the work since last summer.  See, I love trials.  Trials are the driving force that pumps my lifeblood and gives my work-life meaning.  And although my firm is notoriously awesome at giving attorneys trial experience (and indeed, I was on five trial teams, saw four jury selections, and three winning verdicts in my three years + one summer at the firm), the problem with a big firm is that you are never going to be the person giving the opening and closing argument in a big trial.  And even more, the hierarchical structure of a big firm means that for your first five or six years, you don't really get close to talking in court on a paying matter.  There's something about that process, in which the work you do is just pieces of a whole that were divided up and doled out by something else, that makes you start to atrophy in some ways.  You learn a TON by watching more experienced attorneys run these trial teams, but you start to lose that ability to see the whole forest, to think ten steps ahead, and to look at the bigger picture, because your more immediate job is on the smaller scale.

I have always wanted to be an Assistant U.S. Attorney ("AUSA").  It has been my dream job since at least the ninth grade --- or whenever I learned that the job existed.  AUSAs represent the United States, prosecuting federal criminals or defending U.S. agencies when they are sued.  AUSAs get to run their own cases, try their own trials, and enjoy all of the perks of federal employment.  These jobs are notoriously difficult to get, and for the past several years, a hiring freeze has been in place that made it nearly impossible to find an open position.  In fact, many districts began hiring Special AUSAs to work FOR FREE, and PEOPLE ARE STILL TAKING THOSE JOBS.

The hiring freeze lifted in December, and around February I started throwing out a few applications to various districts in which I could see myself living.  (Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Chicago, California...I almost threw my hat in the ring for the Virgin Islands but that just seemed way too extreme of a change.)  I didn't expect to get anything, since I'm still relatively junior and I lack some of the credentials I'm told are important for a position like this.

But sure enough, in March, I got an interview in Baltimore.  Everything about the position was perfect.  The position was in the civil division --- so I would get to practice the type of civil defense law I'd come to love at my firm (for example, civil division attorneys do a lot of medical malpractice defense and employment discrimination defense) --- but civil division attorneys are permitted to take small criminal cases in addition to their civil caseload, so I would have a taste of both types of law.  (Plus, criminal cases typically involve more court time than civil cases.)  The division was small, like my old firm, and filled with incredibly friendly and non-competitive people who loved that I bake pies and play poker.  It is close to D.C., so even though I would get the fresh start I craved in a new city with a lot going on within its borders, I would be close enough to my old town (~30 miles, or 50 minutes by car) that I would not have to say goodbye to any of my friends.

After three rounds of interviews, I was offered the job after a particularly brutal day during our trial.  My tears of frustration with the case turned into tears of gratitude and happiness that I'd had such an amazing experience at my firm, without which I surely could not have made this next step so soon, and that I would soon be starting a new adventure in my dream job.

I cleared my security check at the end of July, moved to Baltimore at the beginning of August, and now I'm starting a new chapter here.  Not only am I in a new city, making new friends and exploring a new life, but I've also said goodbye to my lavish law firm salary (this job was a 60% pay cut) and all of the associated luxuries.  I'm living in a house with two other girls now.  I have a huge living space to myself (I have my own floor of the house, along with my own bedroom, living room, and bathroom), but I'm sharing a kitchen and facing the fact that I have two mid-twenty-somethings roommates at a point in my life when I figured I would be married or engaged.  Ahhh, life, how funny you can be.  Luckily, my roommates (random craigslist people) are lovely and my house is comfortable, and it's only a fifteen-minute walk to work.  It is also only a fifteen minute walk from the new casino opening up in downtown Baltimore, which makes me sad to have my lush salary no longer.

But my new job has been incredible --- pretty much everything I hoped it could be --- which at the very least makes me feel validated in the choices I have made to get me to this point.

Anyway, there's a lot to share and a lot to write about.  I haven't figured out whether I want to continue writing or not, though; again, I must assume all of my opposing counsel have found this blog now that I'm the lead counsel (!!!) opposite them.  While I have not posted anything on here that is personally embarrassing or that I would not be happy to talk about in person, I have to rethink my online presence a bit.  Out of curiosity, are there any AUSAs or trial attorneys out there amongst my readers?  Do you have any thoughts on this subject?  Are any of you my opposing counsel?  :-D

I'm sorry to have left without a word so many months back.  There were so many changes in my life all at once, and some of them I'm sure you can understand I do not want to talk about in great detail on the internet.  My domain name comes up for renewal in a few months, so I guess I will make a decision about whether to continue by then, but in the meantime:  Hello, and I hope you are all doing well!