Friday, July 15, 2011

Friday Funday: The Top Ten Most Ridiculous Things I Own

You may disagree, but I think I have pretty reasonable taste.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I have good taste necessarily, but I feel very confident that my taste does not offend a person of ordinary sensibilities.

And yet, periodically, I find myself making utterly ridiculous purchases.  (These are the quintessential example.)  I don't know why.  Perhaps because I am drawn to uniqueness, and I relish the idea of owning something nobody else has.  Perhaps because I like a challenge, and want to find a use for a strange and unconventional item.  Or perhaps I have some kind of mood disorder that needs to be corrected by a series of medications.

WOO!

Back here at the point, though: I was shocked at how many I found once I started thinking about it.  I'd initially conceived this entry to be only two or three pictures, but now I present to you...

Jewish Girl's Top Ten Most Absurd Possessions!


Ten:





When I was a kid, my dad inexplicably kept this little statuette on his desk in his office.  I don't think I understood that this was a sexual innuendo at the time I swiped it, but swipe it I did.  I've since carried it with me through nine years of moves since starting college.  I almost got rid of it after moving to D.C. last month, but the guy's made it this far...it seems as though maybe I should take him...aaaalll the waaay!  Aw yeah!


Nine:



I have many silly shirts from Threadless, but this one may take the cake (donut?).  I bought this while getting my master's in Criminology, so I thought the crime theme would be particularly relevant to my life.  I neglected to realize that I cannot wear this shirt around police officers OR criminals, since it is probably offensive to lawmen and miscreants alike.


Eight:



I bought this dead mouse throw pillow many years ago at IKEA, of all places.  Do they even still sell this?  Tell me "no," so I can feel a bit more cool.  Than I already feel.  Which is very cool.


Seven:



While a grad student in Philadelphia, I temporarily fell in with a group of famous competitive eaters.  It's a long story.  The short version is that a few of my friends and I "scored" backstage passes to the 2007 Philly Wing Bowl, which is Philly's big wing-eating competition, attracting pros from around the world. I say "scored" because the word "scored" generally implies getting something awesome.  It's questionable whether witnessing this event was awesome.  Of course, the eaters I knew are super-fun people and I had a great time that night/morning---we had to be backstage around 3:30am, so we hung out with my eater friends a bit (they got a cheesesteak at Pat's, ate it...then crossed the street and got another one at Geno's), and when it was time for the eaters to eat the wings my friends and I joined up with Patrick Bertoletti's entourage and walked out to a screaming crowd, pumping them up for Bertoletti--- but watching forty people chow down on cold wings while video of some guy from last year projectile-vomiting his wings having an urge contrary to swallowing plays over and over on the stadium jumbotron...ehhh.  I could have done without that part.


Six:



Teehee.  Someone save her, she's drowning in my wine bottle!  (similar here and here)


And now, the top five...


Five:



The last supper.  On a lunchbox.  How ironic!  How could I not?  (PS:  less blasphemous than this?  I say yes.)


Four:



A lilac purple serving bowl lined with bright yellow marshmallow peeps?  The thought going through my head when I bought this, I swear, was "This is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.  And wow, it's only two dollars!"


Three:



Another gem from Threadless.  I bought BF the shirt version of this design (I figured it would prompt fun conversations for him in bars), but I couldn't resist buying the poster for myself.  It hangs in my kitchen, where it is TOTALLY 100% APPROPRIATE AND FOOD-RELATED.


Two:



In my freshman year of college, I joined my dorm/residential college's bowling team.  They needed a girl to meet the participation/gender balance requirements in the coed league, one of the guys on the team was cute---my participation was a done deal as far as I was concerned.  We bowled in this old bowling alley that looked like it hadn't been renovated since the early eighties.  On all of the ball return machines was this hilarious warning sign.  Something about the adorable blonde girl (with a mullet) who was about to experience a gruesome disfigurement at the hands of the Brunswick machine was just too absurd to leave behind.  A few of the corners were already coming off, so I did the rest of the yanking and took this baby home with me.  (that's what she said.)  Now this sign sits next to my liquor bottles, where the cautionary anti-disfigurement message remains apropos.


One:



This old battleship box cover is one of my favorite possessions.  I scored it at a church sale in college.  It's from the 1960's, and my favorite part about it is the depiction of gender roles on the front.  Notice how the father and son are both playing a manly military game and hitting each other's battleships.  That's all well and good.  No problems yet.

But wait...what's that in the corner there...?



OMFG AYFKM?  Mother and daughter are washing dishes in the kitchen!  IN THE KITCHEN!  WHAT?  Why are they even THERE?  They are completely unneccessary to the main point of the box top, which is that "Battleship is a fun game to play," or even "Battleship is a fun game for boys to play."  The women don't NEED to be in the image at all.  I'll tell you why they're there:  Because Milton Bradley says that's where they BELONG, damn it.  The men play with the ships, the women do the wussy housework.  That's the deal, right? Welcome to last century!


Do you guys have any bizarre possessions that you strangely treasure? Tell me about them in the comments!

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